valpurium-wielding zombie
was terrifying looking, but I zapped a fireball at it and it went down in just that one shot."And she said: 'Stop pecking at your food!' And I was like: 'But mom! It's raw and I told you I wanted the toddler well done!'" "I was about to kiss her, but then I got summoned." "And the summoner tore his heart out and said: 'I present this humble sacrifice to thee, oh daemon of the Nether Realms!' And I was like: 'Gee, that's so sweet and all, but sorry, I already have a valentine.' Plus he was like what, seventy, maybe? I'm ten times older than him! How creepy is that, right?"
"I see dead people." "My master says that ommel blood is sweeter and stronger than any wine." "My powers over death suddenly manifested after I ate a wand of necromancy." "Once, I tried to subtly stick a dagger in my master's back. She said she would electrocute me, then raise me as a zombie and electrocute me again if I ever tried it again." "I hate vampires. They're all broody and sparkly and cool, but all they can talk about is blood. And angst, I guess." "What? No! Necromancy and necrophylia are *not* the same!" "Hey, I have a deal for you! Give me your soul, I will give you immortality. *cough* Raised as a mindless skeleton. *cough*" "I was working on my evil laugh lately. What do you think: MWHAHAHAHAHA - *cough* *cough* *cough*"