The Adventures of Petrus
Jul 21, 2008, 9:46 am
wolf
Joined: Mar 21, 2008
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
(that may not belong here, but it doesn't belong to the writing section either - and hey, it's got spoilers)
One day, Petrus, the high priest of the Great Frog decided that sending unfortunate adventures to kill Elpuri is no way to cope with the problem and decided to go kill the dark frog himself.
He also took the whole town with him.
"Hey guys, let's go kill Elpuri!" "Okay!"
---
At the spot, it turned out that the dungeon is pretty crowded when you stack all of Attnam inside.
"So, where are those *monsters* I heard about?"
---
Of course, the real trouble was when those damn dolphins refused to let Petrus through.
"I told it to move, but it just peeps passionately at me!"
---
One level below that, Petrus was greeted with a display of fireworks as his comrades either stepped on randomly placed mines or blew themselves up, kamikazing enemies.
"Boom! Ouch! My ears! And I didn't even get to Enner yet!"
---
When he was finally left by his comrades, including his pesky wives, Petrus was all alone and in secret gave in to idolatry.
"Mmm... mmm... hear my prayers, Cleptia... nevermind the fact that I'm a high priest of Valpurus..."
---
Then Petrus got poisoned and vomited himself to death.
But not really.
"Aurgh! I'm dead! ...just kidding. I've got this AoLS and the cheat mode on."
---
Later, Petrus met Ischaldirh. He tried to melee the bastard, but he didn't succeed, so he just left the stoopid archmage behind.
"See you, sucker!"
---
When given a moment of tranquility in between being molested by stat drops and Izzy's attacks, Petrus drunk from a fountain and started to like full moons.
Unfortunately, some game mechanic forbode him from changing into a werewolf even when he was asked to and confirmed.
"Gulp, gulp. I like full moons."
---
The ordeal with Ischladirh made Petrus realise the errors of his ways, and he turned back to the light, becoming a pious adherent of Legifer.
That's when he turned into a "mildly lawful" high priest of Valpurus.
"Mumble mumble... funny books..."
---
Then Petrus killed that Enner Beast everyone was talking about. With a stab in the groin.
"Take that, sucker!"
---
A bit later, Petrus had an unfriendly encounter with a kamikaze priest of Valpurus. He had to persuade him not to explode in a relatively non-violent way, ie. by cutting off both of his arms.
"Do you see the errors of your ways NOW? Do you see why it is wrong to try and blow up the high priest of Valpurus even though it is okay to blow up anyone else?"
---
Miles more below the surface, Petrus finally met his friend Ivan, whom he had sent down sometime ago. They chatted a bit, fought some orcs, and then Ivan got blown up by a kamikaze dwarf.
"Hmm. Nice gas mask."
---
Afterwards, Petrus found a scroll of wishing and decided that since childhood he'd always wanted to fly.
"Woohoo! Flying high priest of the great frog!"
---
Finally, entering the level of the dreaded Elpuri, Petrus seemed to have lost his senses and indulged himself in diabolical acts...
The rumours were true! Petrus eats puppies!
"Munch, munch, mwahahaha. All work and no play make Petrus a dull boy! Munch, munch."
---
As Petrus skills decreased, he had realised that he did not practice his biting lately.
"Back in Attnam, I was the champion in the art of biting!"
---
Then Petrus killed Elpuri. See, this wasn't so hard after all!
"But... But... I ruined my boots! I should have sent in some slave to do this, after all."
---
On the way back to the surface, Petrus witnessed the dementia of his former city folks. Hulbo the shopkeeper, for example, became a cannibal.
"It's a dwarf, it doesn't count! Munch, munch."
---
But when at last he returned to his home he had fought so hard to protect, Petrus realised that the city is empty... except for some bizarre guy and his dog.
"What the HELL are you talking about, man?"
---
And then Petrus recalled that he must have scared off all the cityfolk because he returned in a gods-damn GAS MASK.
"But hey, it makes me look cool."
THE END.
One day, Petrus, the high priest of the Great Frog decided that sending unfortunate adventures to kill Elpuri is no way to cope with the problem and decided to go kill the dark frog himself.
He also took the whole town with him.
"Hey guys, let's go kill Elpuri!" "Okay!"
---
At the spot, it turned out that the dungeon is pretty crowded when you stack all of Attnam inside.
"So, where are those *monsters* I heard about?"
---
Of course, the real trouble was when those damn dolphins refused to let Petrus through.
"I told it to move, but it just peeps passionately at me!"
---
One level below that, Petrus was greeted with a display of fireworks as his comrades either stepped on randomly placed mines or blew themselves up, kamikazing enemies.
"Boom! Ouch! My ears! And I didn't even get to Enner yet!"
---
When he was finally left by his comrades, including his pesky wives, Petrus was all alone and in secret gave in to idolatry.
"Mmm... mmm... hear my prayers, Cleptia... nevermind the fact that I'm a high priest of Valpurus..."
---
Then Petrus got poisoned and vomited himself to death.
But not really.
"Aurgh! I'm dead! ...just kidding. I've got this AoLS and the cheat mode on."
---
Later, Petrus met Ischaldirh. He tried to melee the bastard, but he didn't succeed, so he just left the stoopid archmage behind.
"See you, sucker!"
---
When given a moment of tranquility in between being molested by stat drops and Izzy's attacks, Petrus drunk from a fountain and started to like full moons.
Unfortunately, some game mechanic forbode him from changing into a werewolf even when he was asked to and confirmed.
"Gulp, gulp. I like full moons."
---
The ordeal with Ischladirh made Petrus realise the errors of his ways, and he turned back to the light, becoming a pious adherent of Legifer.
That's when he turned into a "mildly lawful" high priest of Valpurus.
"Mumble mumble... funny books..."
---
Then Petrus killed that Enner Beast everyone was talking about. With a stab in the groin.
"Take that, sucker!"
---
A bit later, Petrus had an unfriendly encounter with a kamikaze priest of Valpurus. He had to persuade him not to explode in a relatively non-violent way, ie. by cutting off both of his arms.
"Do you see the errors of your ways NOW? Do you see why it is wrong to try and blow up the high priest of Valpurus even though it is okay to blow up anyone else?"
---
Miles more below the surface, Petrus finally met his friend Ivan, whom he had sent down sometime ago. They chatted a bit, fought some orcs, and then Ivan got blown up by a kamikaze dwarf.
"Hmm. Nice gas mask."
---
Afterwards, Petrus found a scroll of wishing and decided that since childhood he'd always wanted to fly.
"Woohoo! Flying high priest of the great frog!"
---
Finally, entering the level of the dreaded Elpuri, Petrus seemed to have lost his senses and indulged himself in diabolical acts...
The rumours were true! Petrus eats puppies!
"Munch, munch, mwahahaha. All work and no play make Petrus a dull boy! Munch, munch."
---
As Petrus skills decreased, he had realised that he did not practice his biting lately.
"Back in Attnam, I was the champion in the art of biting!"
---
Then Petrus killed Elpuri. See, this wasn't so hard after all!
"But... But... I ruined my boots! I should have sent in some slave to do this, after all."
---
On the way back to the surface, Petrus witnessed the dementia of his former city folks. Hulbo the shopkeeper, for example, became a cannibal.
"It's a dwarf, it doesn't count! Munch, munch."
---
But when at last he returned to his home he had fought so hard to protect, Petrus realised that the city is empty... except for some bizarre guy and his dog.
"What the HELL are you talking about, man?"
---
And then Petrus recalled that he must have scared off all the cityfolk because he returned in a gods-damn GAS MASK.
"But hey, it makes me look cool."
THE END.
Jul 21, 2008, 10:02 am
Master mine stomper
Joined: Dec 16, 2007
Occupation: Shoveling. But metal.
Location: Blazing in the steppes
Interests: Absolutely fuck-all.
Posts: 2,050
Occupation: Shoveling. But metal.
Location: Blazing in the steppes
Interests: Absolutely fuck-all.
Posts: 2,050
great one! =) Thank you, mr. ear wax.
Jul 21, 2008, 10:24 am
kobold lord
Joined: Dec 18, 2007
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
I suppose the next installment of "The Adventures of Petrus" will feature our favorite high priest adventuring into Oree's Lair?
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright.
Jul 21, 2008, 12:25 pm
The Imperialist
Joined: Dec 2, 2007
Location: New Attnam
Interests: bananas
Posts: 2,309
Location: New Attnam
Interests: bananas
Posts: 2,309
Why'd nobody return with Petrus, were they all dead?
Jul 21, 2008, 1:23 pm
angel
Joined: Dec 2, 2007
Occupation: Big Daddy
Location: Under a pile of my own offspring
Interests: Caves
Posts: 612
Occupation: Big Daddy
Location: Under a pile of my own offspring
Interests: Caves
Posts: 612
Awesome 
Jul 21, 2008, 2:09 pm
wolf
Joined: Mar 21, 2008
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Hehehe, thanks 
Heh, you do it
(I currently retreated to having fun spawning a hostile Petrus in New Attnam - he's even complete with summoning his own angels)
The way the game handles what creatures follow you is based on whether they are within your field of view. I got whole Attnam out with me and into GC1 by setting the view to the whole screen (in wizard mode), but then I used a regular field of view, so by GC3, I was left all alone (I tried to get one of Petrus' wives to follow me, but for some reason she ran away, and since you're possessing Petrus rather than being in "player's team", you can't give commands to the NPCs to follow you).
Also, something like 20% of Attnam population are kamikaze dwarves - that may have something to do with it, too.
I suppose the next installment of "The Adventures of Petrus" will feature our favorite high priest adventuring into Oree's Lair?
Heh, you do it
(I currently retreated to having fun spawning a hostile Petrus in New Attnam - he's even complete with summoning his own angels)
Why'd nobody return with Petrus, were they all dead?
The way the game handles what creatures follow you is based on whether they are within your field of view. I got whole Attnam out with me and into GC1 by setting the view to the whole screen (in wizard mode), but then I used a regular field of view, so by GC3, I was left all alone (I tried to get one of Petrus' wives to follow me, but for some reason she ran away, and since you're possessing Petrus rather than being in "player's team", you can't give commands to the NPCs to follow you).
Also, something like 20% of Attnam population are kamikaze dwarves - that may have something to do with it, too.
Jul 21, 2008, 5:51 pm
angel
Joined: Dec 2, 2007
Occupation: Big Daddy
Location: Under a pile of my own offspring
Interests: Caves
Posts: 612
Occupation: Big Daddy
Location: Under a pile of my own offspring
Interests: Caves
Posts: 612
Best web comic i ever read 
Jul 21, 2008, 9:09 pm
Smooth operator
Joined: Feb 11, 2008
Location: Gnosticus IV
Posts: 357
Location: Gnosticus IV
Posts: 357
A whole city went in, and only one man came out 
Jul 22, 2008, 12:01 am
kobold lord
Joined: Dec 18, 2007
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
Are you actually serious about me doing the next episode?
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright.
Jul 22, 2008, 8:45 am
Mage Prophet
Joined: Dec 3, 2007
Occupation: Chaos Weaver
Location: Standing between all life and death
Posts: 2,898
Occupation: Chaos Weaver
Location: Standing between all life and death
Posts: 2,898
If only there was an off-topic section, this would fit perfectly.
Unfortunately, there's no point in having both spam and off-topic.
Unfortunately, there's no point in having both spam and off-topic.
creating stable chaos
making patterns where there should be none
sewing order into the chaos
you spit in the face of random numbers, of chaos
making patterns where there should be none
sewing order into the chaos
you spit in the face of random numbers, of chaos
Jul 22, 2008, 7:50 pm
wolf
Joined: Mar 21, 2008
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Are you actually serious about me doing the next episode?
Let's say that I'm not stopping you if you want to
Oh, and by the way, this is slightly off-Petrus, but here's what you can do to Attnam in wizmode rather easily:
Jul 22, 2008, 11:29 pm
archangel
Joined: Jan 11, 2008
Posts: 1,019
Posts: 1,019
I've done that myself a few times. Pretty darn time-consuming to set up and wait through, but it's entertaining to see what happens to everyone (except for Petrus and a few other well-protected people, of course).
Jul 23, 2008, 10:38 am
kobold lord
Joined: Dec 18, 2007
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
Hey, it's Erado!
Setting up the whole thing isn't that hard.
1. Go to the chamber with all the dwarves
2. Use the "$" command to summon several piles of every item in the game
3. Summon a random monster next to the piles
4. Teleport out of the cathedral
Setting up the whole thing isn't that hard.
1. Go to the chamber with all the dwarves
2. Use the "$" command to summon several piles of every item in the game
3. Summon a random monster next to the piles
4. Teleport out of the cathedral
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright.
Jul 23, 2008, 5:52 pm
The Imperialist
Joined: Dec 2, 2007
Location: New Attnam
Interests: bananas
Posts: 2,309
Location: New Attnam
Interests: bananas
Posts: 2,309
What's the random monster for? I would say just stand on the piles and break a wand of tele
Jul 23, 2008, 6:44 pm
wolf
Joined: Mar 21, 2008
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
An explosion - to blow up all the wands, gunpowder etc. I myself summoned a kamikaze dwarf and let him attack me up
Of course, you can always try the teleport thing for a more pacifist outcome.
Of course, you can always try the teleport thing for a more pacifist outcome.
Jul 23, 2008, 7:26 pm
blink dog
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Occupation: Puppet Master
Location: Playing with my puppets in the Roll to Dodge thread!
Posts: 190
Occupation: Puppet Master
Location: Playing with my puppets in the Roll to Dodge thread!
Posts: 190
How do you possess someone in wizard mode?
Campbell: Snake, push the action button. Snake: ... What!?
Jul 23, 2008, 8:10 pm
kobold lord
Joined: Dec 18, 2007
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
"{", I believe.
Remember, when in doubt, press "?"!
Remember, when in doubt, press "?"!
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright.
Jul 23, 2008, 8:25 pm
wolf
Joined: Mar 21, 2008
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Press {
And now... since I had too much time on my hands again... time for part 2...
The Adventures of Petrus 2: What Really Happened...
Beholde, for there have been rumoures of the adventures of Petrus the High Priest, who hath descended the realm of ye dreaded Elpuri and hath slain the beaste, but entered hath not the portal beyond.
These were all lies made up by Petrus's enemies, who disbelieved His might and wisdom, and spread filthy rumours about the size of his left nut.
In reality, Petrus, a loving husband of six and a loving father of over twenty bastard children whose existence he didn't even acknowledge, was so noble and good that when he entered the realm of Elpuri, he took with him his beloved wife #2, one of his elite guards, and a few of his drinking buddies.
"No dolphins THIS time."
---
Unfortunately, his drinking buddies were so drunk that they blew themselves up, but fortunately out of sight of his beloved wife #2.
"Guys, couldn't you at least wait for Elpuri?"
---
The previous legends had told lies about how Petrus devoured puppy flesh. In reality, Petrus loved puppies and befriended a few (they didn't survive long, but that's not his fault, is it?).
"Good dog!"
---
Then he killed Elpuri.
"Ruined my boots, AGAIN. Damn dark frog blood."
---
And brought its head to show off to his wife #2.
"Honey, I didn't put it on a wall YET."
---
But then, in search of new shoes, he had to leave his wife #2 behind, and descend into the darkest of realms (who were pretty shiny for the darkest of realms).
"Hello, any spare boots in here?"
---
But instead of new shoes, Petrus was horrified to find a golden copy of his left nut.
"Who's making these?!"
---
He descended deeper and deeper, but still could find no boots... until he stood at the gates to the very realm of Oree himself.
"That Oree guy's got to wear something on his legs."
---
Fortune smiled upon the high priest, and he soon found a pair of nice dark knight's steel boots in the realm of blood and sorrow.
"Ah, these will do for the time being."
---
Of course, on his way to face Oree, the noble priest faced numerous ordeals, like, um... getting himself locked in a cabin?
"I would have got away if it wasn't for those meddling mages!"
---
Once the combat messages started to get so big they filled over a half of the message bar, Petrus knew he was facing Oree...
"Cough up blood, you bastard!"
---
And then he killed him and stole his stuff.
"Hey, look, a can of what those cheaters make whips from."
---
He used the portal to emerge in...
"The suspense is killing me."
---
...the dungeon, greeted by his whole city. And Ischaldirh. Heh. Heh.
"Hi guys." "Hi Petrus!" "Prepare to meet your maker!"
---
The dark archmage Ischaldirh refused to stop molesting Petrus, and so our favourite high priest decided to rip out his legs and steal his boots.
"Why am I so obsessed with people's boots, anyway?"
---
But alas, Ischaldirh kept running away cowardly and Petrus' old eyesight had problems finding him. Meanwhile, with all those explosion and kamikaze dwarves, the caves started to become more and more, let's say... spatious.
"Ischaldirh the dark archmage? More like, Ischladirh the one-legged archmage!"
---
Until, finally, Petrus has slain the fearsome enemy.
"That wasn't so bad when you don't screenshot all this running around for previous hours."
---
Desperate to get his brand new un-ruined shoes, Petrus used the scroll of wishing.
"Finally..."
---
But that didn't work, so instead he put on Ischaldirh's, and decided to abase his opponent by making a zombie out of him.
Somehow, the zombie refused to put his PROPER head on, and kept wearing kamikaze dwarves' or farmers'. Until Petrus got pissed and killed it.
"Mwahahaha. Arise!"
---
Finally, Petrus went back to Attnam... unfortunately, he had to leave dolphins behind to die on the trecherous land.
"Sacrifices have to be made! That's for peeping at me, you freaks."
---
This time, some happy citizens returned to Attnam.
"We're back!"
---
Slowly, life in Attnam returned to normal and citizens returned to their places.
Oh, and by the way, this time Petrus made sure to find that freak blabbing on about his past deaths and kick him until he croaked.
"Meh, half of my palmleaf service is lost."
---
Victorious, Petrus drank his coke.
"Gulp!"
---
Then he got bored and tried to blow himself up until his left nut falls off, but that didn't work. So he had to use dirty tricks to acquire it.
"Yes. I am bizarre."
---
He then used the aforementioned tricks to become the world's only neutral champion of Valpurus, and holding his own nut in his hand (don't ask), sat down on the throne to realise that he apparently...
Surpassed himself.
"What the...?"
HAPPY END.
And now... since I had too much time on my hands again... time for part 2...
The Adventures of Petrus 2: What Really Happened...
Beholde, for there have been rumoures of the adventures of Petrus the High Priest, who hath descended the realm of ye dreaded Elpuri and hath slain the beaste, but entered hath not the portal beyond.
These were all lies made up by Petrus's enemies, who disbelieved His might and wisdom, and spread filthy rumours about the size of his left nut.
In reality, Petrus, a loving husband of six and a loving father of over twenty bastard children whose existence he didn't even acknowledge, was so noble and good that when he entered the realm of Elpuri, he took with him his beloved wife #2, one of his elite guards, and a few of his drinking buddies.
"No dolphins THIS time."
---
Unfortunately, his drinking buddies were so drunk that they blew themselves up, but fortunately out of sight of his beloved wife #2.
"Guys, couldn't you at least wait for Elpuri?"
---
The previous legends had told lies about how Petrus devoured puppy flesh. In reality, Petrus loved puppies and befriended a few (they didn't survive long, but that's not his fault, is it?).
"Good dog!"
---
Then he killed Elpuri.
"Ruined my boots, AGAIN. Damn dark frog blood."
---
And brought its head to show off to his wife #2.
"Honey, I didn't put it on a wall YET."
---
But then, in search of new shoes, he had to leave his wife #2 behind, and descend into the darkest of realms (who were pretty shiny for the darkest of realms).
"Hello, any spare boots in here?"
---
But instead of new shoes, Petrus was horrified to find a golden copy of his left nut.
"Who's making these?!"
---
He descended deeper and deeper, but still could find no boots... until he stood at the gates to the very realm of Oree himself.
"That Oree guy's got to wear something on his legs."
---
Fortune smiled upon the high priest, and he soon found a pair of nice dark knight's steel boots in the realm of blood and sorrow.
"Ah, these will do for the time being."
---
Of course, on his way to face Oree, the noble priest faced numerous ordeals, like, um... getting himself locked in a cabin?
"I would have got away if it wasn't for those meddling mages!"
---
Once the combat messages started to get so big they filled over a half of the message bar, Petrus knew he was facing Oree...
"Cough up blood, you bastard!"
---
And then he killed him and stole his stuff.
"Hey, look, a can of what those cheaters make whips from."
---
He used the portal to emerge in...
"The suspense is killing me."
---
...the dungeon, greeted by his whole city. And Ischaldirh. Heh. Heh.
"Hi guys." "Hi Petrus!" "Prepare to meet your maker!"
---
The dark archmage Ischaldirh refused to stop molesting Petrus, and so our favourite high priest decided to rip out his legs and steal his boots.
"Why am I so obsessed with people's boots, anyway?"
---
But alas, Ischaldirh kept running away cowardly and Petrus' old eyesight had problems finding him. Meanwhile, with all those explosion and kamikaze dwarves, the caves started to become more and more, let's say... spatious.
"Ischaldirh the dark archmage? More like, Ischladirh the one-legged archmage!"
---
Until, finally, Petrus has slain the fearsome enemy.
"That wasn't so bad when you don't screenshot all this running around for previous hours."
---
Desperate to get his brand new un-ruined shoes, Petrus used the scroll of wishing.
"Finally..."
---
But that didn't work, so instead he put on Ischaldirh's, and decided to abase his opponent by making a zombie out of him.
Somehow, the zombie refused to put his PROPER head on, and kept wearing kamikaze dwarves' or farmers'. Until Petrus got pissed and killed it.
"Mwahahaha. Arise!"
---
Finally, Petrus went back to Attnam... unfortunately, he had to leave dolphins behind to die on the trecherous land.
"Sacrifices have to be made! That's for peeping at me, you freaks."
---
This time, some happy citizens returned to Attnam.
"We're back!"
---
Slowly, life in Attnam returned to normal and citizens returned to their places.
Oh, and by the way, this time Petrus made sure to find that freak blabbing on about his past deaths and kick him until he croaked.
"Meh, half of my palmleaf service is lost."
---
Victorious, Petrus drank his coke.
"Gulp!"
---
Then he got bored and tried to blow himself up until his left nut falls off, but that didn't work. So he had to use dirty tricks to acquire it.
"Yes. I am bizarre."
---
He then used the aforementioned tricks to become the world's only neutral champion of Valpurus, and holding his own nut in his hand (don't ask), sat down on the throne to realise that he apparently...
Surpassed himself.
"What the...?"
HAPPY END.
Jul 23, 2008, 10:52 pm
kobold lord
Joined: Dec 18, 2007
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
Location: Vault 42
Posts: 129
I've just had Petrus go on a little inspection trip to New Attnam. Croaked Decos and later beat the sumo. Decos apparently rose from the dead to award me a shirt, creating an empty space in Pong's house that resents being kicked.
The game crashed as soon as I pressed "y" to leave NA.
The game crashed as soon as I pressed "y" to leave NA.
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright.
Jul 23, 2008, 11:24 pm
wolf
Joined: Mar 21, 2008
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Location: Your ears!
Posts: 209
Nice find
Looks like a limbless Decos to me
A bit more tests:
- Beating sumo as possessed/polymorphed Decos avoids the bug.
- Possessing the invisible being causes a mortal crash.
Looks like a limbless Decos to me
A bit more tests:
- Beating sumo as possessed/polymorphed Decos avoids the bug.
- Possessing the invisible being causes a mortal crash.