Worst fails

Aug 17, 2015, 9:35 am
#1
Joined: Jul 28, 2014
Location: Poland,under a bridge
Posts: 52
Here you can write your worst fails in Ivan.
Aug 18, 2015, 3:46 am
#2
red_kangaroo's avatar
orc general


Joined: Apr 2, 2014
Location: North Tyris
Posts: 406
Not exactly the worst fail I had, as it wasn't in regural gameplay, but I was fiddling in CLIVAN in wizmode, with stats upped to about 200 and physpher equipment, and decided to take on Petrus in fair fight, just to see how well would the more than triple stats than his and way better equipment would fare.

Petrus ended quardriplegic, and I, the living god, was decapitated by the archangel all of the sudden.
Aug 18, 2015, 4:08 am
#3
Joined: Jul 28, 2014
Location: Poland,under a bridge
Posts: 52
red_kangaroo wrote
Not exactly the worst fail I had, as it wasn't in regural gameplay, but I was fiddling in CLIVAN in wizmode, with stats upped to about 200 and physpher equipment, and decided to take on Petrus in fair fight, just to see how well would the more than triple stats than his and way better equipment would fare.

Petrus ended quardriplegic, and I, the living god, was decapitated by the archangel all of the sudden.

yeah, the wizard mode is sometimes very weird.
Feb 27, 2016, 8:08 pm
#4
Joined: Nov 22, 2013
Occupation: Unemployed bastard
Location: Chile
Interests: Gaming, Modding
Posts: 64
I use to carry lots of potions with me plus I modded some new ones in the game. I tried breaking a door and it exploded. all my bottles broke and I got covered in poison, healing liquid, vomit, sulfuric acid, troll blood, water, dragon drool, mustard gas, stun gas, brown gas (bottled fart), etc. My character agonized for some turns melting down, growing new limbs, suffocating, vomiting and finally dying in a pool of blood and other disgusting liquids.
Feb 27, 2016, 9:26 pm
#5
capristo's avatar
The Imperialist


Joined: Dec 2, 2007
Location: New Attnam
Interests: bananas
Posts: 1,962
That's hilarious and so appropriate for this game
Feb 28, 2016, 12:26 pm
#6
Joined: Nov 22, 2013
Occupation: Unemployed bastard
Location: Chile
Interests: Gaming, Modding
Posts: 64
I remember once I was fighting an orc and it severed one of my arms off. After the fight, I prayed to one of the gods and it gave me a banana flesh arm... I couldn't even raise a dagger with it. It eventually got severed off and I ended up eating it.
Feb 29, 2016, 6:21 pm
#7
[Eire]MadHatter's avatar
mutant ass


Joined: Feb 5, 2014
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I rise!
now im dead again....

the greatest and saddest failure I've ever experienced was

I was going around that dwarven minefield
when that mutant bunny I ate earlier gave me more then heartburn....
I randomly poly-morphed into a bunny....
around 250 hp down to a measly 5hp...
I hop once.....nothing
I hop twice.....nothing
I hop trice......ka-boom

not just one ka-boom
my wands then went ka-blowwheee
and then my scrolls when whoosh!
my poor mangled rabbit body was thrown across the minefield and hit a few more mines before I finally stopped dead and was taken by the sweet embrace of death....

I'd say all the gods really enjoyed that moment.
Jun 26, 2016, 7:24 am
#8
Joined: Nov 22, 2013
Occupation: Unemployed bastard
Location: Chile
Interests: Gaming, Modding
Posts: 64
I ate tons of bananas and dropped some clutter items I didn't need all in the same spot. After ages of not playing the game I came back and load the game. Eventually, I got hurt bad and I started to run away. I ran thru that tile like http://i.imgur.com/PYTzAoa.gif

I died. The end.
Nov 7, 12:57 pm
#9
capristo's avatar
The Imperialist


Joined: Dec 2, 2007
Location: New Attnam
Interests: bananas
Posts: 1,962
I posted this in the shoutbox but this one is worth remembering:

I found TWO lamps in UT1 and UT2. Both had genies and both granted me wishes. (If it were later in the game I would've waited for safety in Attnam but this early I just risk it)

The second one I wished for a wand of polymorph, piled up some items, and prepared to zap... but the game mocked me for having nothing to zap with.

So I scrolled through my message history and saw that I had accidentally wished for a RING of polymorph not a wand. Facepalm. He died pretty quickly in UT3
Nov 7, 2:42 pm
#10
Joined: Nov 7, 2017
Occupation: Auto Wrecker
Location: Alberta
Interests: Girls, Dance, Cars, IVAN
Posts: 1
Just Defeated Elupuri. Left banana peels for patrol gaurds to fall on, hehehehe.... Headed back to new attnam. Very well geared. In the open world got poly'd into a gibberling. Entered town, slipped on a banana peel and died,

fml that took two days inbetween phone calls at work and no save scumminh
Nov 7, 2:48 pm
#11
Ischaldirh's avatar
Ex-Tyrant of the IVANers


Joined: Dec 8, 2007
Occupation: Student
Location: California
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Oh that's awful D: This was .50.9 yes?

I recently lost a promising character on GC3. I found a big mine. I didn't want the thing, but I figured I could use it to blast a hole in a wall and maybe find goodies, so I planted it. Quickly tapped left twice to get away.

Unfortunately I was confused. The first step had me step RIGHT. The second step went as planned. "You here a thump. You look down. You see a big mine."
Nov 8, 4:26 pm
#12
red_kangaroo's avatar
orc general


Joined: Apr 2, 2014
Location: North Tyris
Posts: 406
Just today, I YASD'd as stupidly as I could. :/

I lacked both ESP and infravision, so I couldn't find the mystic dark frog on GC 7 and started to get swarmed by enemies made invisible by her. But I had both ring of polymorph and polycontrol, so I decided to poly into a form which could locate invisible foes.

I could have gone with some ghost, but for whatever reason I decided on greater dark frog instead - and only after the poly I remembered that frogs cannot zap wands, so I will have to melee the mystic frog. I found the mystic frog, but got panicked by damage from a wolf. I had very few options left, so I tried praying to Silva - and the earthquake squiched the mystic dark frog, yay!

I was very low on HP, but I had plenty of healing liquid left, so I tried drinking some, but got interrupted by a bunny of all monsters. It critted me to 1 HP exactly, I couldn't risk trying to finish drinking and giving in another turn on me. So I ran - I was faster than it, so I hoped to finish the drink after I run away.

I made two steps and didn't notice the broken bottle on the floor: "Ouch! You step on a sharp glass. You die..."

My first time dying to a broken bottle. :'(
Nov 8, 5:10 pm
#13
Joined: Sep 8, 2010
Occupation: Petty Functionary
Location: Drinking pea soup in the world map
Interests: Mangoes
Posts: 935
An elaborate chain of events. Whenever I'm in a similar situation, I always get that rude feeling like my character is not getting out of it alive.
Nov 9, 3:55 am
#14
capristo's avatar
The Imperialist


Joined: Dec 2, 2007
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Posts: 1,962
Ok I guess it wasn't a mistake after all. I just wished for a wand of polymorph again and was given a ring. Are wands of polymorph not wishable?
Nov 9, 5:44 am
#15
Joined: Sep 8, 2010
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Location: Drinking pea soup in the world map
Interests: Mangoes
Posts: 935
capristo wrote
Ok I guess it wasn't a mistake after all. I just wished for a wand of polymorph again and was given a ring. Are wands of polymorph not wishable?

Maybe it happened since the new aliases were added?
Nov 9, 6:42 am
#16
red_kangaroo's avatar
orc general


Joined: Apr 2, 2014
Location: North Tyris
Posts: 406
fejoa wrote
Maybe it happened since the new aliases were added?

Yes, that's my fault.

I just checked and it's because I added "polymorph" alias to the ring. For some reason, when you wish for "wand of polymorph", the game ignores the wand part and uses only polymorph, which defaults to the ring because of my alias. Removing the alias fixes the issue and the game will recognize both ring and wand wishes.
Weird.
Dec 6, 1:48 pm
#17
capristo's avatar
The Imperialist


Joined: Dec 2, 2007
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Interests: bananas
Posts: 1,962
Not sure if this qualifies as a fail but I grossly underestimated a nymph hair golem

Had all of my limbs chopped off within the space of 2 turns. So I was unable to zap. Only option really was prayer, but I didn't know Sophos even though I was lawful so I couldn't get teleported. I tried Legifer to see if he could blow the golem up but he didn't help. Last resort was drinking some troll blood but got decapitated while I was drinking.
Dec 7, 3:04 pm
#18
Joined: Apr 13, 2017
Occupation: None yet
Location: Down in the dugeons
Posts: 3
I have a couple of ones:

1-Tried dropping a bottle of sulfuric acid without realizing i had accidentally turned on caps lock.

2-Once I found a ommel tooth long sword in UT1, then in UT2 I find an altar dedicated to Loricatus, I decide to pray to him, but Loricatus was in a bad mood that day, and ended up turning my sword into banana flesh.

3-I also once found an ommel tooth platemail in UT3, it was pretty good, until it rotted, after that I was quickly killed by a skeleton of a kamikaze dwarf wielding a bastard sword.
Dec 7, 3:15 pm
#19
capristo's avatar
The Imperialist


Joined: Dec 2, 2007
Location: New Attnam
Interests: bananas
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Ah yeah, I remember first discovering ommel tooth platemail. So exciting... then you start to notice the flies but you're not sure why... then suddenly it's gone when you need it most
Dec 8, 8:46 am
#20
Joined: Dec 17, 2007
Occupation: Taking Names, Formerly Kicking Ass
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 785
will pets eat mirrored food?
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